Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
