Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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