Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
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