I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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