She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
