Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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