mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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