If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
