Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
