return my video game
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
