I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
