I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
