Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
