Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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