No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
