Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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