why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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