honey bunches of taint.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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