There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
