After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
