Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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