I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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