everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
