hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
as a side note pls kill me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
