My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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