I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
