But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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