**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
