My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
