He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
