What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
