no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
