apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize