I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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