I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
