I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want her autograph on my taint
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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