Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
there is glitter all over my balls
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