i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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