like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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