the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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