I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
