We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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