She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
