you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
