On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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