He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
