the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
