If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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