he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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