He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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