Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
