You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
