I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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