You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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