trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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