i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
