There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
