Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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