Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
