Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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