I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
