Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize