is your mom at the bar?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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