Got a toothbrush?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
