just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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