If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
