ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
