Your dad touched me again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize