Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
