Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
