I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sext me about skeletons
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
