hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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