Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
